Got divorced while he moved 2,000 miles away
It's been a ride to say the least
He finally got sober & he's been sober now for 8 month's
Last night he knocked on my back door
I stood my ground's, umm, some might say "Biotche"
I unleashed my bottled up- thought's, feeling's, emotion's
Didn't sleep at all - Deep gut cried all night long
I believe it's all in the plan - Don't know why or how come
But I owned it
Tonight, we had dinner together
He still lives with guilt, shame and major denial.
I really feel like Im a grade or 2 ahead of him, in "recovery"
I was surprised he hasnt learned more about "himself" - I
would of thought, after 2 rehabs and nightly AA meetings, he would
of been farther than where he is at today. That surprised me!!
I felt like more like his "Alanon" counselor more than anything else
There was time's when my gut hurt, I shed alot of tear's
I told him, we could be friend's, but as far as getting
back together. It is not time, and dont know if it will ever be....
He asked me if he could move home! - That made my head spin!!
He's not made amend's to my children
And I will never put a man before my children ever again
I told him, it's up to him and God, not me
Im done fixing things - There was issues with him and my daughter
And those issues, run deep in my soul and her's
Honestly, alot of mixed feeling's, once again, hard to say good-bye
but atleast now, I have truely let go and letting God
and as of today, we parted as friends
I do love him, but I know after 2 days of living with him
I would more than likely would be sitting in the county jail 
If he passes thru again, if the timing is right, we will have dinner again
He is a bit slower thinking and he did get side tracked a few times
I had to pull his train of thought, to finish the conversation a few times
Made me realize - how much I love my dogs and my peaceful little
home.
It hurt - It really hurt - It hurt to keep my hands in my pocket
and not whip out my "fixing" tools - The sad face, The lonely stare,
The wet tears - that he had on his face. Was freaking hard to look
at - Made my gut & heart hurt
One of my gf's was around, she got mad at me, and said how
can you talk to him like that, after he just has told you he was sorry??
I told her, Im done pussyfooting around. Done that for too many years.
It is what it is......She has been thru Alanon too, thought she would
of understood - How messed up this stuff can be.....?????
This time, I told him - See you later ~ Without a kiss - just a warm hug
Amends Done - Lets turn the page & move on......
I learned to follow my gut, because it's the only thing on me, that
hasnt been played with........and it worked!!!
Not easy..but forward
YOUR THOUGHTS ARE:?????
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